Kakuzu, Hidan, and Pocky
by Sword-of-Shin
Summary: Kakuzu and Hidan receive a strange package from.... yaoi fangirls? Short one-shot, rated T for Hidan's language. Could be seen as a sort of sequel to "Hidan learns about Yaoi".


The box had come addressed to Kakuzu and Hidan. Kakuzu examined the package with suspicion. How could someone know their location, when they were traveling almost every day, and were in a hotel they had never stayed at before? And there was no return address either. But it could have been from the Akatsuki leader, in which case Kakuzu should open it immediately. But wouldn't the leader have informed him of such a package, especially considering the possibility that said package could be mistaken as a trap of some kind?

"Just open the damn thing. You're way too cautious, seriously."

Kakuzu paused in his examination to glare at his partner, who was sitting on his bed, eyeing Kakuzu's reaction to the package with a mixture of amusement and annoyance. Hidan smirked, gesturing at the box, "Give it to me. I'll open it for you, you pansy."

Kakuzu considered for a moment punching Hidan just so he could get that insufferable smirk of his face. But then he decided that, if the package was a trap, why not let Hidan open it. And if it wasn't, what did it matter? If it turned out that the package contained something that Kakuzu wanted, he would just take it back.

So, Kakuzu tossed Hidan the package, much to the Jashinist's surprise (he didn't actually think Kakuzu would give it to him). Hidan caught it clumsily, scowling at Kakuzu, "You could've warned me, you fucker!" Kakuzu didn't even honor him with a response, instead standing up and walking to his own bed (he had been sitting on the floor for his inspection of the box). Hidan growled something under his breath, but was soon turning the box over in curiosity. Without a second's worth of hesitation he tore it open, and took out its contents with confusion. "What the fuck is this?"

Kakuzu glanced back at his partner to observe Hidan's bewildered expression, and the colorful box that was within the postal box they had received. Kakuzu stared for a moment in surprise while Hidan read the card that was taped to the colorful box. "To Kakuzu-san and Hidan-cha- What the hell?! Why are they fucking calling me by chan?!" Kakuzu, who had by this time walked to Hidan's resting place, snatched the card from its place on the box. "Hey! I was reading that!" Kakuzu ignored Hidan's protests and read it to himself. 'To Kakuzu-san and Hidan-chan (Kakuzu couldn't help but smirk at this). We hope you enjoy these treats together! Let us know if you liked them! Your fangirls.'

What. The. Hell.

"What'd it say? Oi! Kakuzu!" Kakuzu shook his head in disbelief, handing the card to Hidan, and then taking the box in exchange. Hidan didn't object, interested to see what else was said on the card. Kakuzu scrutinized the box of "treats", wondering exactly what they were. The box said that it was "Pocky." What on earth was Pocky?

Hidan's uproarious laughter caused Kakuzu to glance up at his partner. The card still in his hands, Hidan gasped out, "F-Fangirls want us to…to share these….. treats togethe-e- AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kakuzu inwardly rolled his eyes at his partner's outburst, but really couldn't blame him. It was utterly ridiculous. Fangirls? It was some sort of trick, Kakuzu was sure. And how the hell were they suppose to let them know if they liked them or not without contact information? It was a trick. Had to be.

"Dude, we have fangirls!" Hidan was grinning, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "Of course they just included your name so you wouldn't feel left out." Kakuzu weighed the box with his right hand, glancing at Hidan with faint amusement, "Whatever you say. Hidan-chan." Hidan glared daggers at Kakuzu for this, but immediately went back to the card, "What kind of messed up assassins made this shit, seriously? They even drew hearts on this!" Suddenly Hidan's attention shifted to the box that Kakuzu held, "And what the hell is Pocky?"

Kakuzu shrugged in response, and then, after a moment's pause, opened the box carefully. He pulled out the bag, and then slowly tore the bag open. Kakuzu stared at the contents for a moment, before taking out one of the wafer sticks. Kakuzu was completely baffled, and said in disbelief, "It's chocolate."

Hidan took the bag from Kakuzu, peering into it and saying, "Fuck off, as if. What kind of ninja would– holy shit, this is chocolate!" Kakuzu tried to rationalize this revelation while Hidan twirled one of the sticks in-between his fingers, "It's probably poisoned somehow. Its entire delivery was probably made to lower our guar- Hidan, what are you doing?"

Hidan looked at Kakuzu nonchalantly, one of the Pocky sticks sticking out of his mouth, "What? Best way to find out if it's dangerous is to eat it." Kakuzu narrowed his eyes in disgust, "And what if you get food poisoning?" Hidan grinned, "More pain to offer up to Jashin-sama!"

Kakuzu tossed the boxes into the garbage, glared at the stick that he still had in his possession, and looked back at Hidan, "I can't believe you're actually eating that." Hidan, on his second stick, replied in surprise, "You know, this stuff is actually pretty good. Seriously." Kakuzu raised an eyebrow, "You realize that it's possible you could die by eating that, don't you?" Hidan smirked arrogantly, "Fuck you. I'm immortal. I can enjoy this without worrying whether or not I'm going to keel over. And I don't think this stuff is poisoned. It doesn't have that aftertaste that goes with it."

"So, you really think fangirls sent this to us?"

"Hey, I didn't say that."

"Then where did this come from?"

"Fuck if I know! All I know is that this shit tastes good! Don't tell me you don't want to try it!"

"I don't, actually."

"Ah, come on Kakuzu! The fangirls want us to share, remember?"

"That's another thing that doesn't make sense. If they are our fans, why the hell would they assume we would want to eat chocolate together?"

"Huh, you got a point. Unless they think we're gay."

"…. What?"

"Well, think about it. They send us sweets to "have together" and ask them to tell us how we liked it. It's like they're saying this'll make us want to have sex or something."

"…. You can't be serious."

"That's just what it seems like."

"That's disgusting."

"Tch, no kidding. As if anyone would want to have sex with an old fucker like you."

Kakuzu tossed the stick of Pocky into the garbage, deciding that this conversation was idiotic and that he would have no further part in it. Kakuzu went to his bed, Hidan still munching away at the Pocky. As Kakuzu lay down, there was a momentary silence.

Suddenly, Hidan said with a wicked tone, "So. Who would be seme?"

Kakuzu allowed a few seconds of silence to pass before saying, "Hidan. Why the hell are you asking that kind of question?"

"Just curious. I mean, it's obvious I would never let you go on top."

"I think the fangirls would beg to differ."

"Why the fuck do you say that?"

"They called you Hidan-chan."

A very empty silence followed this. Then, "Mother fuck. They've got it into their sick minds that I'm an uke?! WHAT THE FUCK?! I'LL SACRIFICE EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM TO JASHIN-SAMA!"

As Hidan preceded to swear death to all those who thought he was an uke, Kakuzu couldn't help but smirk to himself in satisfaction. At least he didn't have to worry about such things.

-------

Actually, Kakuzu, there are those who put you as the uke.... meh, maybe it's better if he doesn't know.


End file.
